Ronald McDonald robs a Wendy's

Ronald MacDonald charged with stealing from Wendy's in Manchester

MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — You'd think that just working at a Wendy's restaurant would be difficult for Ronald MacDonald.

Now, the 22-year-old MacDonald — no relation to Ronald McDonald, the clown — has been charged with stealing money from a safe at the Wendy's.

Police said the restaurant manager called police early Monday, saying he found MacDonald and another employee taking money from the safe at about 1:30 a.m.

MacDonald and Steve Lemay, 20, both of Manchester, were detained at the store until police arrived.

(src:www.fosters.com)

A musing about Thanksgiving

If the pilgrims had killed a cat instead of a turkey we would all be eating pussy.

(Sent to me by a Lebanese friend who lives in Miami.)

Preferring to stick to tradition, I cooked a turkey (not bad for my first time):

(00) calls home...

For the first time in seven years I will go to the States to spend Thanksgiving in Atlantic City, New Jersey, with my family.

In preparation for my visit to Atlantic City – yes, I was born on a roulette table (red 12) – I decided to make sure that certain friends know that I will come to town, especially my best friend Jenn. Married only a few years, and recently blessed with a baby boy, I was concerned that she might have plans to leave the city.

I gave her a call to check.

Jenn and I have known each other for 20 years. We have gone through all the stages of maturity together, from nubile to debauched (and all of the stages in between.) From the time I left Atlantic City in the late 80's, we have kept in close contact. During my NYC years, we saw each other every few weeks. Since I have been in Europe, we see each other at least three times a year. And of course there are plenty of telephone calls. No email though, Jenn is a professional esthetician, she "doesn't do computers or fake mail." She sends me funny cards via snail mail - which are very nice to receive and a rare practice anymore.

Jenn, the Italian-American from Philly, knows every detail of my life, well nearly:

“Hey Jenn!”

“Teeeesh! When are you moving home?” (Her standard line.)

“How are you? How’s baby Anthony?”

“I’m great – yeah [sigh or smoke exhale, not sure] just doing the mom thing. It’s a lot of work Teesh. He’s fantastic but it changes your life. And he already talks more than I do.”

“You’re doin’ just fine. He's a happy baby and that's a reflection on you.”

Beat.

(This is the part when people I know from home get stuck on what to ask about my life. It’s what happens when you live outside the context of your ‘tribe.’ I just wait it out; the momentum is always regained.)

“Hey. I have been really worried about you, with all of those riots over there!”

“Oh, right, I’m okay. That was in France.”

“But I heard that they spilled over into Germany!”

“Hmmm, yeah, uh, I live in Belgium.”

Beat.

Then, the most fabulous, infectious laughter explodes into my ear. I burst out laughing as well.

Jenn is my “home”. She exemplifies that ‘take me as I am’ attitude and couldn't give a sh*t what anyone thinks. Jenn would walk into a club and within minutes be surrounded by people who did anything she asked. And she has never cared much about anything cultural or foreign. Her life is in Atlantic City and I pose a real problem by living outside of her realm. But she has come along way...

“So, Teesh, tell me everything… what day is it there… what time is it… what’s going on.”

“First the usual recap, ready? It’s the same day, but six hours later –

“What about daylight savings?”

“— Uh, we have that too, it’s synched with the US. And I don’t live in Germany or Paris. And Belgium isn’t in Amsterdam, which is a city by the way. Belgium is a country.”

“’’Kay, so, WHERE is Brussels? Germany?"

"Brussels is a city IN Belgium."

More laughter all around.

“I love you Teesh. Now, tell me some stuff about the single life. I need stories from the ‘other side’.”

“Wait - are you in town for Thanksgiving?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good! I have some new stories for you. But I will already start. Have you ever… ?”


[CONVERSATION TRUNCATED]

E-Herpes, just what we need

I am not saying piracy is right. In fact I take the Fifth Amendment on the matter altogether, because I can.

But I thought everyone should be aware that the latest apeshit-insane record industry plan to stop file-sharing has been exposed.

Software architect Mark Russinovich found a malicious program lurking in his operating system, which he traced to a CD by country duo Van Zant on Sony BMG. When he played the CD, a rootkit (typically used by spyware agents and computer viruses to hide from virus scanning software) was installed. The hidden code prevents the CD from being copied more than three times. What they don't tell you is that it also stays on your computer, hogs system resources and, like a kind of electronic herpes, is almost impossible to get rid of.

Russinovich says, "I don't think that we've found the right balance of fair use and copy protection, yet. This is a clear case of Sony taking DRM [Digital Rights Management] too far."

Wired News says that, under US law, a rootkit could even be considered a form of fraud.

Totally Wired says, the next time you see a Sony BMG executive, arrange to have them sleep with someone who actually has herpes. Turnabout is fair play."
November 10, 2005 - Totally Wired BY DAVE MORRIS

(sony-rootkits-and-digital-rights.html)

The 16th minute of fame

Some of you readers seem to like my writing. For those of you who couldn't give a "toss" or "rip” here’s a link to an amusing short film on AtomFilmsdotCom:

"How to Tell When a Relationship is Over (in Ninety Seconds)"

Otherwise...

DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER? DO YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO FLY? WILL PEOPLE SEE YOU AND CRY?

To answer the final question: they will in January when they see me in a Brussels (soon to be international, I was told) magazine ad. With celebrity and fame potentially heading my way, I began to wonder if it would go to my head like chilled Pommery sipped while standing on the deck of a yacht off the coast of Cannes.

So I decided to do some soul searching by hunting around the Internet for clues about what might be in store:

I started by getting an indepth definition from the Oxford Dictionary:

fame
• noun, the state of being famous.

There was no result when I queried "famous" from the Oxford Dictionary, but this word returned was in the list of results:

celebrity
• noun (pl. celebrities), 1. a famous person; 2. the state of being famous.

(Anyway...)

In music there are many titles about Fame but IMHO; David Bowie's description exemplifies it:

Fame, makes a man take things over,
Fame, let’s him loose, hard to swallow,
Fame, puts you there where things are hollow.

And there's the Broadway-style revelation...

I found a story on NPR: 'The Sixteenth Minute:' Short-Lived Fame about fame and it's addictive potential.

And Acquired Situational Narcissism (ASN). According to Robert B. Millman, professor of psychiatry at New York Hospital - Cornell Medical School, pathological narcissism can be induced in adulthood by celebrity, wealth, and fame. The sufferers of ASN — billionaires, movie stars, performers, musicians, professional athletes, politicians, ands top business executives — will develop grandiose fantasies, lose their ability to empathize, react with rage to slights, both real and imagined and, in general, act like textbook narcissists.

I also found that FAME is an acronym for the Foundation for the Advancement of Monetary Education which leads the fight for honest monetary weights and measures and to get rid of our fraudulent fiat monetary system.

That was reassuring although I couldn't make out exactly what they do. I'm a model; I can't be reading white papers and such.

When I really took a good look at myself in the mirror, I had to admit that the odds of becoming a supermodel were slim and I felt a wave of relief that I would probably not suffer from ASN and thankful to have been spared like a $5 or $6 a day glue-sniffing addiction or selling my own line of seashell jewelry on QVC.

I can also side-step the descent into the 16th-minute and skip straight to writing that children's book trilogy:
"Why does the Blue Candy make me Sleepy?" / "Uncle Mailman" / "Cookies Sale to Cookie Sells"

Our progeny will meet fame and celebrity eventually. Check out this list of celebrities including Spike and Jerry:
"Celebrity Bestsellers for Children"

And, yes this is me (thanks Sidja for reminding!)
So you see I have something to fall back on if my modeling career falls through.

This is me on stage during my Chelsea Reperatory days (the bird in the cage is real, my pet for the show: Popka the Parakeet)


And to prove that I am not afraid to look natural in photos....


© 2003 (00) Diving off the coast of Wasini Island, Kenya
(Is this a pretentious caption or what!?)

SPOT LIGHTS AND SPIT UP

(00), An American Abroad to Appear in Upcoming White Night Campaign "The Collectors"

10 NOVEMBER, 2005 - BRUSSELS - White Night Magazine has announced the model selected for the upcoming episode of its internationally acclaimed print campaign "The Collectors". The Porte Parole of The White Night Corporation has announced that (00) was selected for The "Vomit Hostess" ad which will appear in the January 2006 issue.

The campaign is a highly-stylized concept to sell the signature series of White Night brand energy drinks, available exclusively at White Night shops (daily from 18h00 - 06h00) across Brussels. EU-wide distribution has been suggested, yet not confirmed, for the agenda at the next EU plenary in Strasbourg, France.

In a spontaneous interview held at haute cuisine & bien cuit, 'Frit-land' in downtown Brussels (next to the Metro station Bourse/Beurs), Art Director and Creativity Maestro, Cedric Mayence said:

"This business is cut-throat and we were forced to disappoint A-list candidates such at Kate Moss, Paris Hilton and Calista Flockhart. We just felt that (00) was THE choice for "Vomit Hostess". Her dexterity in front of a camera is developed far beyond that of her contemporaries (available in Brussels). And she could provide the vomit bags after a previous flight from NYC."

After his order of frites and fricandel arrived (and he finished fighting vehemently to avoid paying for extra ketchup), Cedric "Maestro" Mayence continued:

"She had no qualms about shooting in a pay-by-the-hour residence in Ixelles. Because she lives just around the corner from the hotel - no comment - we were able to save on transportation and put that budget towards an extravagant, post-shoot lunch at PITA MANIA."

(00), reachable only by telephone while on location in Schaerbeek, yet another commune in Brussels, gave this statement:

"It just comes very natural for me to change into different clothes AND wear makeup applied by someone who isn't myself. But I don't take credit personally, it's an innate gift.

As for the role of "Vomit Hostess" I feel I can bring a truthfullness - I had a college roomate who was bulimic and also flush-phobic. Although I don't collect things, I don't think, I am sure I can improvise."

(00)'s next project will be a citywide campaign to physically demostrate the health and safety hazards caused by petowners who don't clean up after their pets. The ads, "It's your Doody", "The OTHER Doggy Bag", and "Kill the white people", will be posted all over Brussels to combat the burgeoning problem of ca-ca that is 'piling up' on city sidewalks.

She added this about the upcoming project:

"I'm just not afraid to put my foot down when it comes to public safety or defending the rights of shoes."

Maestro Mayence on the set:



(00) preparing for the shoot:





This is the first campaign of the series:




The December issue will feature Brussels-born, Wilco-addicted, grunge artist Dom'n'Dahmer (his self-ascribed moniker) as the "hair down-there" collector:

23.

Express yourself completely,
then keep quiet.
Be like the forces of nature:
when it blows, there is only wind;
when it rains, there is only rain;
when the clouds pass, the sun shines through....

TaoDeJing ~ LaoTze

Haiku for 11/11

"imsend.wav"

a small, tinny sound
a symphony of three plinks
tells me you are there.

"the other c word"

it has five letters
two consonant clusters and
you in the center.

~ T.t.C.M.

Ceci n'est pas un blog

(it's a rerun!)

Yeah, yeah, we've all seen this list but some of them (the list is abridged) still crack me up:

IF WE BELIEVED EVERYTHING WE SEE IN THE MOVIES...

- Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people, whether they are employed or not.

- At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

- Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

- Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through or arrive through it before long.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

- Whenever someone gets out of a cab they hand the driver a single bill that covers the exact fare plus a generous tip, hence the "keep the change" line.

Joan of Spark

"Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."

Alledgedly what Joan Crawford said to the board of directors of Pepsi Co. when they tried to vote her out.
She made her way around old boys clubs with a certain style. She was a bit crazy (a lot) but still, I admire her guts.

On November 8, 1991...

... convicted crack smoker Marion Barry, who served six months in prison in 1990, is re-elected mayor of Washington D.C.

Funnyman has a new website...

... has a new website: http://www.toddbarry.com

Hey Air America, let Marc stay!

Last week I was enjoying, from a far (way far) my fix of Morning Sedition on Air America radio. The show was broadcasting live from somewhere in Midtown Manhattan and the atmosphere sounded electric. Toward the end of the show Lisa Lampanelli showed up to plug (in signature stentorian and ribald manner) her show that night at Caroline's. Then Marc signed off by alluding that he would soon be leave Air America but gave no specifics other than "I'll still be around for a little while longer."

As I combed the web for some follow up I found this poignant post on Daily KOS by hbyronk....

Here is hbyronk's blog....

Marc in mid-morning sedition:




(Image edited for this blog; src: www.airamericaradio.com)

Keepin' the context

My favorite example of why it's crucial to know the source of a quote:

Inquisitor named Sam:
"Could you, would you with a goat?"

Now, if you don't know why this question needs to be asked, your imagination can run wild with curiousity and conclusions. Like, why would someone be compelled to ask such a question? To dispel or confirm a rumor? To offer a product or service? (Euw.)

Fortunately (most of you will agree) the question was answered with a negative.

Unnamed Inquisitee:
"I would not, could not with a goat."

Habeas Corpus: it's not just for prisoners anymore

I am behind on my blog posts - next post will be a recap of 10 days in the States, including some Thanksgiving snaps.

However, I'm thinking a review of Habeas Corpus is needed - so that we (Americans) will remember this: if the executive branch takes over the courts, we are ****ed, plain and simple (and possibly in the group shower somewhere.)

Harsh? Yeah well, sometimes it's necessary...

Take a look at what happened to Jose Padilla

Habeas Corpus - defined and explained in modern day terms

Habeas Corpus Act of 1679

Blind as a blonde

Shakin' the groove thing...




Publicity shot with Ms. Brandi...


Hours later... my heavy 'bat glasses' make me look like I had bad rhinoplasty. But the 'disco hand' is going... that's a good sign!